It's not just your Hormones

Here's what I know about birth.

When you're pregnant, things have a tendency to get magnified, anything that was small before, tiny, invisible perhaps, becomes more visible to you, you feel it more, notice it more, it becomes bigger.

Anything that was great-  becomes amazing.
Anything that was not so great - becomes really uncomfortable.  Lets talk about that.

Here are a few examples of what I mean.........

  • If you've got a difficult or complicated relationship (with anyone) - then it often becomes more complicated, or difficult or completely unacceptable to you.
  • If you've got a job you don't love - you love it even less.
  • If you're not happy with how your partner treats you - you feel crushed by their behaviour during pregnancy.
  • You may not be able to let things go so easily  - the dishes or laundry can become reasons to argue.

It's not just your hormones.

Hormones are what make us more sensitive to the things going on in our lives, and personally I think this is a good thing - here's why.  When we're not pregnant, we get used to a certain way of life, we know how to function, what roles to play, how to interact with people so that everything's "OK".  Many of us get comfortable with being uncomfortable about different things, because it's easier that way, we know how to do it, and life seems to work when we live like this.  In fact often we don't even realise that we're that uncomfortable - it's become normal.

It's usually a case of putting ourselves second, saying yes when we mean no, smiling and nodding when we really just want to express something different, working to pay the bills in a job that's not necessarily the dream.........all of this leads us into a way of living that doesn't allow us to be who we really are, and it's my belief that our children need us to be the real, undiluted, gorgeous version of ourselves that we were born to be.

Pregnancy has a way of pushing us towards this version of ourselves, by creating pain or discomfort.  These feelings are designed to get your attention, not to drag you down and keep you feeling stuck or hurt you, but to expand you, help you grow and shift as a woman, and a mother.   Your children need you, your family needs you - the world needs you.  You are amazing - and pregnancy, birth and motherhood is designed to remind you of your own amazingness.

Let me give you an example of how this looked in my life.

When I was having my first baby, I was devastated -  Richy didn't buy me a christmas present - then a couple of months later I practically had to beg him to buy me chocolate on Valentine's........YES, I know how bad this sounds, and doesn't paint him in the best light (don't hold it against him, he's amazing, and I would not be who I am today without him ), but here's the thing - I was equating gifts with love, I thought the fact that he hadn't bought me gifts meant that he didn't love me.  I was hurting because I needed to expand. 

  1. Richy totally loves me - he's just not always that gifty (which really is ok with me now) - and to be fair, he's pulled out some pretty awesome and thoughtful pressies throughout our time together, I really have been rather spoiled.
  2. I wanted him to love me - but I didn't know how to love myself yet - I was expecting him to do something for me that I couldn't yet do.
  3. I needed to spend hours crying in the shower to realise there was something wrong - not with my relationship (like I initially worried), but with the story in my head.

Even though I was really sad at those times, I needed the lessons.  I was hurting because life was trying to get me to expand, it was waking me up.  I could have stayed stuck in the story of him not loving me, I could have stayed stuck by needing him to love me, and feeling like a victim, I could have stayed stuck in believing gifts mean love.  I would have been pretty miserable. 

Thank goodness I didn't stay there.

I needed to learn how to love myself, and treat myself with love.  (In case you don't know - if you want someone to treat you a certain way - to love you for example - the first place to start ,is to begin treating yourself that way.)

I needed to experience love without the romantic connotations I had about it in my head.

Feeling crushed was life's way of waking me up and helping me to become the woman I was born being, and born to be.  It was also life's way of expanding our relationship - strengthening us as a couple and as a family.

Now, every year I joke about the botched Christmas at Biarritz, I'm pleasantly and genuinely surprised when I get a valentine's day gift, I make sure to always buy myself a birthday present I love, I practice loving others the way I want to be loved, AND most importantly I practice loving myself in all different ways. ( I'll share more on this practice, in a future post.)  

Pregnancy and birth really are blessings, and have the potential to help women step into their own power, and come into alignment with themselves - so they can be amazing mothers, beautiful women, strong partners, and change the world we live in - but only if we move through this time with a conscious commitment to ourselves.

Over to you.........

How do you think life is trying to expand you?  What's difficult or uncomfortable in you life at the moment?  How are you being called to look after yourself in this situation? What would you like to shift or change?  I'd love to hear from you, either leave a comment - or if you're feeling shy, get in touch by email.

 


Little Seeds of Kindness

 

Like most parents (I imagine), I want to teach my children how to live a life that matters, that's supportive of others.  I want to teach them kindness.  How to be kind to themselves and others.

I've always felt a little confused about how exactly to do this?  I know. What's not to get?

Anyway, it's the school holidays, and as I stare down the barrel of 2 weeks and 3 kids, I was wondering what on earth I could do with them - where could I take them?  The park?  The pools? School holiday programs?  I started searching Pinterest and Modern Parents Messy Kids for ideas and inspiration.  I was considering what toys I could buy that might be fun, what DIY projects I could include them in on...........

And then I remembered a friend of mine who emailed me a week or two before Sascha was born. She didn't just email me, she emailed a lot of people sharing a story that touched my heart, it was an open request for help.  I shared the story and photos with my kids, tears in my eyes, with the hardship some people have.  My kids are so great, immediately they wanted to help the kids who they didn't know, the kids living a million miles away in a country they'd never heard of.  They wanted to send them their toys, their clothes,  and their books, because "mum we have so much".  There's even a pile of dress-ups waiting to be packaged up, that the girls decided were for the kids across the other side of the world.

Yes these holidays will be filled with play, and fun, colouring-in, and movies, beaches and friends - but we'll also be busy with the project of helping others.  In this way, I think we're planting seeds of kindness, (another idea I was inspired by from Ashley Ann).  

I'm pretty sure our kids don't learn to be kind by us telling them how to do it, they learn by experience.  When they feel what its like to do something loving for another human, it fills them up with that beautiful feeling, it reminds them who they are, and how important they are, and what a difference they can make in the world.......and hopefully they go looking for ways to recreate that feeling, sharing themselves, their inspiration, their creativity, and their hearts with others.

I might post some pictures of what we get up to on Instagram (it's my favourite social media!)