the begining – or the end.

whats not to like?

to be totally honest with you i’ve come to the point where i’m blogged out.
tired of reading them, tired of writing them.  (most of them.)
there are so many awesome people out there, saying so many awesome things and it all just started to sound like noise to me.

i read it, no, i skim it, and think “i really need to put X into practice in my life” and then i go and make the beds, go on facebook, unload the dishwasher, play with my kids, and tell my husband stuff like “we need to put the cot up and move Vivienne out of her hammock”, which is me actually telling him what to do, ’cause there’s no way im putting a cot together – why? because once, when we lived in Japan, and Richie had been promising me for ages to put together a shelving unit and it still wasn’t done, i put it together myself one weekend when he was away – he never stopped laughing at me and my terrible craftsmanship – so he has earned himself the role of putting stuff up – that and i don’t want Vivi’s bed to fall over.

and i totally forget about whatever that very insightful, very well written, blog said.
even if it’s someone i love.

and while i’ve been told it’s important to share, and there are people out there who need to hear “this stuff” from me – i sometimes feel im wasting my time.

so, from now on you will see anything and everything here.

recently i watched the iron lady and MT said something that really stuck with me – she said “it used to be about doing something, now it’s about being someone”.  i was struck with how often i feel this and notice it around me. that is, trying to be someone.

i can sit for hours (ok im not just sitting, im changing nappies, driving, making dinner, colouring in, swimming, going to sleep) trying to think of something, the right thing, insightful and clever to say – god grant me the wisdom of Byron Katie.

the only problem is, i’m not Byron Katie, im me.  and  being me is difficult, because sometimes i don’t know how to do that. 

my  soul, whispers the truth to me all the time, the only problem is, it’s embarrassing, silly, needs polishing, not for the general public, and sometimes i’m not sure it’s that wise.  what i mean is – i don’t want to mess it up.

but tonight my soul whispered to me – share this – share yourself – take a step – make a move.

yes my soul whispers, screams and laughs – doesn’t yours?

she also said to make a video – but it’s dark, so probably not a great idea. i’ll make one in the morning or another day.

all i know is i’m so sick of being perfect, liked and right.

that, and i really genuinely love you.