“What you think about me is none of my business” – Dr Wayne Dyer.
My little girl is pretty smart. She teaches me stuff all the time, but sometimes she wants some reassurance from me too. Like the other day, we were at the park playing with another little girl on the sea-saw. (A very warm, loving and beautiful little girl I might add.) Peps had had enough of that, so she jumped off and made a run for the slide. The other little girl unimpressed, wanted someone to sea-saw with, so she started to tantrum a bit. (I say a bit cause it was a half arsed effort, no tears just loud wailing.) Seeing the sadness, Ans tried to comfort her friend with a cuddle and a kiss. This was NOT what the little girl wanted. Anya looked at me for guidance.
I told her, “You do whatever you want to do”. She went for the slide.
She already knew what to do. She listened to her body and moved in the direction that felt best to her. Easy.
In the past I probably would have said something like, “Oh look she’s upset you got off, you could make her feel better by doing some more sea-saw and then going on the slide” but that would have taught her: When other people are upset it’s your job to fix them, you’re responsible for their feelings.
This way she learns: Other people may not be happy with the actions I choose to take, and that’s ok. Their emotions are their responsibility, if they’re mad or upset with me, that’s their business. I choose to listen to myself and do what feels best to me.
This is something I’m only learning now.
For a long time I’ve let other people’s manipulative behavior (intentional and unintentional) shape my decisions.
It was too scary to not to. I hated the feeling of someone else being upset with or because of me.
But trying to make sure I take care of everyone elses feelings and emotions ahead of my own, is exhausting, and near impossible.
Being free to make your own choices is something that’s within reach for all of us.
Keep it simple.
Listen to your heart, and do what you wanna do.
Much lovexx
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Well said, Kate! Ans is a lucky girl to have your wisdom guiding her “one wild and precious life”. To have learned, when I was young, what you are teaching her would have spared me years of confusion and suffering. YEARS! Thank you for writing!
Much love,
Tami