I've spent many years grappling with how to be confident, it was painful and so unsettling ........which is why I've created a program to help you rediscover your natural confidence - it's called S H E'S C O N F I D E N T - but I digress.
I was great at faking it, acting confident and outgoing - but inside I was a mess - feeling totally pathetic, nervous, and not good enough. Some days I was a hot mess on the outside too. It wasn't pretty, but I didn't know how to change it.
Until I understood something really simple.
T R U S T I N G Y O U R S E L F = C O N F I D E N C E
So what do I mean by that?
When you know what you want - and you give that to yourself - then you can trust yourself, and that little simple step, gives you more confidence.
So first of all - you need to know what you want.
What are you Y E A R N I N G for? What would feel L O V I N G to you?
Most of the time we're on automatic pilot - not even that aware of what we need - we might know that we're not happy, or something's not feeling right, or we're upset - but that doesn't always translate into us asking ourselves - "Hmmm what am I yearning for? - What do I need to make me feel better right now? What would feel loving to me in this moment? " Instead we just feel stuck, grumpy, tired, lost, annoyed, unsure of what we're doing wrong - and try to battle our way out of that feeling.
Instead we try to keep ourselves safe.
We avoid confrontation, embarrassment, awkwardness, and failure - by fitting in, and trying to keep other people happy - or trying to make ourselves feel happy....... And in doing this we teach ourselves, that our desires and needs aren't what's important. Sometimes we can get to the point where we drown out our inner voice - so we don't even know what we yearn for, what we desire or what we need.
Very often, giving yourself what you yearn for can feel scary, because it means being vulnerable.........
- It might be that you need some time alone, away from your kids and partner, but that might feel hard to actually ask for or talk about.
- It might be that you want to be sober when everyone else is toasting with bubbles - and that feels awkward and like you're not really part of the group, or not participating.
- It could be that you're yearning for more satisfying friendships, but you're scared to approach the people you want to hang out with.
Here's the thing - If Y O U don't listen to what your desires are, and take some steps towards giving them to yourself - then you start to feel like crap. You start to doubt yourself, hold yourself down, feel stuck, and powerless.
Step 1 - Listen for inspiration and hear the wisdom of your body.
When you listen to your body, you'll always hear the truth. In each moment the universe is whispering inspiration your way, directing you towards what's right and good and amazing for you, and when you start move in that direction, or even to think about moving in that direction - then your body will give you Y E S signal.
Step 2 - Move towards what feels most loving for you.
- When you're wondering what to eat for dinner ask yourself - What would feel most loving to me?
- When you're feeling unsure about what to do, ask yourself - What would feel most loving to me?
- When you want to get out the door to do something for yourself - but you feel like you should stay home with the family - ask yourself - What would feel most loving to me?
When you feel the inspiration, when you hear the whisper of what you desire, when you feel pulled in a certain direction and you get that body Y E S - then move in that direction - take a step, take a leap, but do something for yourself that acknowledges that you've heard what you desire and go about creating that for yourself.
If the step feels too big, too bold, too brash - then ask yourself, what's a small step I could take in that direction.
Step 3 - Repeat.
Do it all again.
About a month ago I was driving my kids to daycare and myself to a meeting, and I was feeling ugggh.
So, as I was driving along I asked myself, "what am I yearning for"
And like lightening I heard myself saying in my head "I need a holiday". It felt like my body relaxed and let out a big sigh of relief.
But I was the middle of term, I had clients and meetings and my husband had a packed schedule as well.
So I rang my mama, and my sister - and I was like - I need a break, what's the chances of you gals coming up to stay with the kids over a weekend in the holidays and Rich and I getting away for a night or two? Of course they're basically angels so they said YES. I jumped online and booked the cutest little bach on a gorgeous beach up north - to a place I hear is lovely - but not too far away. This whole time my husband was saying hmmmm, I'm not sure - but I figured if he didn't want to come that was up to him, I needed to honour myself, and what I was yearning for - I'd go on my own if that's what it came down to - but turns out he's keen!
So we're away NEXT WEEK!!!
O V E R T O Y O U
As always, I like to wrap up with a little home play - because my biggest desire is for you to feel like you can actually use this tool in your life today.
Confidence comes from knowing who you are, and knowing who you are, comes from listening to yourself and trusting that inner voice - your intuition, and taking action. The more you take action on what you desire, the more you learn to trust yourself, and the more confident you become.
Here's a few questions to get you going......
What's uncomfortable? Or where in life are you feeling a little uggggh?
What are you yearning for?
What would feel loving to you?
How can you give that to yourself right now?
If you're feeling up for it, I would love to hear from you - tell me - what are you yearning for? How are you giving yourself what you most long for? What would feel like a loving thing to do for yourself? What would make you smile and feel at ease? How can you give that to yourself or take a step in that direction?
Any questions? Shoot them to firstname.lastname@example.org
Do you want to feel more confident?
Are you interested in S H E'S C O N F I D E N T?
I'm offering the first 6 women who put their hands up an O P E N I N G S P E C I A L of 50% off the regular price!
If you want to be one of those gals - email me email@example.com The sooner the better!