TRUSTING YOURSELF = CONFIDENCE

I've spent many years grappling with how to be confident, it was painful and so unsettling ........which is why I've created a program to help you rediscover your natural confidence - it's called  S H E'S   C O N F I D E N T  - but I digress.

I was great at faking it, acting confident and outgoing - but inside I was a  mess - feeling totally pathetic, nervous, and not good enough.  Some days I was a hot mess on the outside too.  It wasn't pretty, but I didn't know how to change it.

Until I understood something really simple.

T R U S T I N G   Y O U R S E L F   =   C O N F I D E N C E

So what do I mean by that?

When you know what you want - and you give that to yourself - then you can trust yourself, and that little simple step, gives you more confidence.

So first of all - you need to know what you want.

What are you  Y E A R N I N G   for?  What would feel  L O V I N G  to you?

Most of the time we're on automatic pilot - not even that aware of what we need -  we might know that we're not happy, or something's not feeling right, or we're upset - but that doesn't always translate into us asking ourselves - "Hmmm what am I yearning for? -  What do I need to make me feel better right now?  What would feel loving to me in this moment? "  Instead we just feel stuck, grumpy, tired, lost, annoyed, unsure of what we're doing wrong - and try to battle our way out of that feeling.

Instead we try to keep ourselves safe.

We avoid confrontation, embarrassment, awkwardness, and failure - by fitting in, and trying to keep other people happy - or trying to make ourselves feel happy....... And in doing this we teach ourselves, that our desires and needs aren't what's important.  Sometimes we can get to the point where we drown out our inner voice - so we don't even know what we yearn for, what we desire or what we need.

Very often, giving yourself what you yearn for can feel scary, because it means being vulnerable.........  

  • It might be that you need some time alone, away from your kids and partner, but that might feel hard to actually ask for or talk about.
  • It might be that you want to be sober when everyone else is toasting with bubbles - and that feels awkward and like you're not really part of the group, or not participating.
  • It could be that you're yearning for more satisfying friendships, but you're scared to approach the people you want to hang out with.

Here's the thing - If  Y O U don't listen to what your desires are, and take some steps towards giving them to yourself - then you start to feel like crap.  You start to doubt yourself, hold yourself down, feel stuck, and powerless.

SO.........

Step 1 - Listen for inspiration and hear the wisdom of your body.

When you listen to your body, you'll always hear the truth.  In each moment the universe is whispering inspiration your way, directing you towards what's right and good and amazing for you, and when you start move in that direction, or even to think about moving in that direction - then your body will give you Y E S signal.

Step 2 -  Move towards what feels most loving for you.

  • When you're wondering what to eat for dinner ask yourself - What would feel most loving to me?
  • When you're feeling unsure about what to do, ask yourself - What would feel most loving to me?
  • When you want to get out the door to do something for yourself - but you feel like you should stay home with the family - ask yourself - What would feel most loving to me?

When you feel the inspiration, when you hear the whisper of what you desire, when you feel pulled in a certain direction and you get that body Y E S - then move in that direction - take a step, take a leap, but do something for yourself that acknowledges that you've heard what you desire and go about creating that for yourself.

If the step feels too big, too bold, too brash - then ask yourself, what's a small step I could take in that direction.

Step 3 - Repeat.

Do it all again.

Example........

About a month ago I was driving my kids to daycare and myself to a meeting, and I was feeling ugggh.
So, as I was driving along I asked myself, "what am I yearning for"
And like lightening I heard myself saying in my head "I need a holiday".  It felt like my body relaxed and let out a big sigh of relief.
But I was the middle of term, I had clients and meetings and my husband had a packed schedule as well.
So I rang my mama, and my sister - and I was like - I need a break, what's the chances of you gals coming up to stay with the kids over a weekend in the holidays and Rich and I getting away for a night or two?  Of course they're basically angels so they said YES.  I jumped online and booked the cutest little bach on a gorgeous beach up north - to a place I hear is lovely - but not too far away.  This whole time my husband was saying  hmmmm, I'm not sure -  but I figured if he didn't want to come that was up to him,  I needed to honour myself, and what I was yearning for - I'd go on my own if that's what it came down to - but turns out he's keen!  
So we're away NEXT WEEK!!!

O V E R   T O   Y O U

As always, I like to wrap up with a little home play - because my biggest desire is for you to feel like you can actually use this tool in your life today.
  
Confidence comes from knowing who you are, and knowing who you are, comes from listening to yourself and trusting that inner voice - your intuition, and taking action.  The more you take action on what you desire, the more you learn to trust yourself, and the more confident you become.

Here's a few questions to get you going......

What's uncomfortable?  Or where in life are you feeling a little uggggh?
What are you yearning for?
What would feel loving to you?
How can you give that to yourself right now?

If you're feeling up for it, I would love to hear from you - tell me - what are you yearning for?  How are you giving yourself what you most long for?  What would feel like a loving thing to do for yourself?  What would make you smile and feel at ease?  How can you give that to yourself or take a step in that direction?

Any questions? Shoot them to kate@truenature.me

Do you want to feel more confident?
Are you interested in S H E'S   C O N F I D E N T?

I'm offering the first 6 women who put their hands up an O P E N I N G   S P E C I A L  of  50% off the regular price!
If you want to be one of those gals - email me kate@truenature.me  The sooner the better!

 

It's not just your Hormones

Here's what I know about birth.

When you're pregnant, things have a tendency to get magnified, anything that was small before, tiny, invisible perhaps, becomes more visible to you, you feel it more, notice it more, it becomes bigger.

Anything that was great-  becomes amazing.
Anything that was not so great - becomes really uncomfortable.  Lets talk about that.

Here are a few examples of what I mean.........

  • If you've got a difficult or complicated relationship (with anyone) - then it often becomes more complicated, or difficult or completely unacceptable to you.
  • If you've got a job you don't love - you love it even less.
  • If you're not happy with how your partner treats you - you feel crushed by their behaviour during pregnancy.
  • You may not be able to let things go so easily  - the dishes or laundry can become reasons to argue.

It's not just your hormones.

Hormones are what make us more sensitive to the things going on in our lives, and personally I think this is a good thing - here's why.  When we're not pregnant, we get used to a certain way of life, we know how to function, what roles to play, how to interact with people so that everything's "OK".  Many of us get comfortable with being uncomfortable about different things, because it's easier that way, we know how to do it, and life seems to work when we live like this.  In fact often we don't even realise that we're that uncomfortable - it's become normal.

It's usually a case of putting ourselves second, saying yes when we mean no, smiling and nodding when we really just want to express something different, working to pay the bills in a job that's not necessarily the dream.........all of this leads us into a way of living that doesn't allow us to be who we really are, and it's my belief that our children need us to be the real, undiluted, gorgeous version of ourselves that we were born to be.

Pregnancy has a way of pushing us towards this version of ourselves, by creating pain or discomfort.  These feelings are designed to get your attention, not to drag you down and keep you feeling stuck or hurt you, but to expand you, help you grow and shift as a woman, and a mother.   Your children need you, your family needs you - the world needs you.  You are amazing - and pregnancy, birth and motherhood is designed to remind you of your own amazingness.

Let me give you an example of how this looked in my life.

When I was having my first baby, I was devastated -  Richy didn't buy me a christmas present - then a couple of months later I practically had to beg him to buy me chocolate on Valentine's........YES, I know how bad this sounds, and doesn't paint him in the best light (don't hold it against him, he's amazing, and I would not be who I am today without him ), but here's the thing - I was equating gifts with love, I thought the fact that he hadn't bought me gifts meant that he didn't love me.  I was hurting because I needed to expand. 

  1. Richy totally loves me - he's just not always that gifty (which really is ok with me now) - and to be fair, he's pulled out some pretty awesome and thoughtful pressies throughout our time together, I really have been rather spoiled.
  2. I wanted him to love me - but I didn't know how to love myself yet - I was expecting him to do something for me that I couldn't yet do.
  3. I needed to spend hours crying in the shower to realise there was something wrong - not with my relationship (like I initially worried), but with the story in my head.

Even though I was really sad at those times, I needed the lessons.  I was hurting because life was trying to get me to expand, it was waking me up.  I could have stayed stuck in the story of him not loving me, I could have stayed stuck by needing him to love me, and feeling like a victim, I could have stayed stuck in believing gifts mean love.  I would have been pretty miserable. 

Thank goodness I didn't stay there.

I needed to learn how to love myself, and treat myself with love.  (In case you don't know - if you want someone to treat you a certain way - to love you for example - the first place to start ,is to begin treating yourself that way.)

I needed to experience love without the romantic connotations I had about it in my head.

Feeling crushed was life's way of waking me up and helping me to become the woman I was born being, and born to be.  It was also life's way of expanding our relationship - strengthening us as a couple and as a family.

Now, every year I joke about the botched Christmas at Biarritz, I'm pleasantly and genuinely surprised when I get a valentine's day gift, I make sure to always buy myself a birthday present I love, I practice loving others the way I want to be loved, AND most importantly I practice loving myself in all different ways. ( I'll share more on this practice, in a future post.)  

Pregnancy and birth really are blessings, and have the potential to help women step into their own power, and come into alignment with themselves - so they can be amazing mothers, beautiful women, strong partners, and change the world we live in - but only if we move through this time with a conscious commitment to ourselves.

Over to you.........

How do you think life is trying to expand you?  What's difficult or uncomfortable in you life at the moment?  How are you being called to look after yourself in this situation? What would you like to shift or change?  I'd love to hear from you, either leave a comment - or if you're feeling shy, get in touch by email.