Riding backwards

When you want to go forward but you're going backwards......

This happened to me a while ago - I was on my friends horse, my favourite horse - her name's Philly.  And you know she's a young horse, and I'm a young rider + as I was riding her through a track I wanted to go up, she just stopped.  I looked around, I couldn't see anything disturbing or worrying, so I urged her forward, she moved backwards.  I urged forwards, she moved backwards.  I urged forwards, she moved backwards.  I felt so frustrated, very unsure of myself and her, and even though I knew getting off was the wrong thing to do - it's all I wanted to do.  I wanted to take the easy way out - I knew I could lead her.  I wanted to quit.  I didn't want the challenge.  I wanted to cry like a little kid.  I was alone on my ride - I was feeling scared,  and like a total idiot and failure.  

What on earth  was I doing wrong?
Why wasn't she moving forward?
How could I get her to move forward?

This happened months ago - but I only just put the pieces together recently.

This was a metaphor for what was going on in my life. (Anything / everything is a metaphor!) 
At that time, there were somethings in my life that were going backwards - and I had no idea how what I was doing wrong or how to change it.

So how did I change it on the horse?

Well I didn't.  I got off and I realised part of the reason I was feeling so upset was because I felt powerless, and I didn't know what I should have done in that instant to get her to change her mind about moving with me in the direction I wanted to go.  

I got off - and when I got home, I asked my friend's advice - exactly what should I do in that situation? - With the horse I mean. 

Her advice........Put her to work.  If she doesn't want to move forward that's fine, but she doesn't get to move backwards, get her moving around in circles, disengage the thoughts that are keeping her stuck and not moving forwards......

So what's my point?

If there's something you want to achieve, a path you want to take, a dream you're moving towards - but you find you're moving backwards

.........Disengage from your stinky thinking - if you're not moving forwards - you're probably in your own way.  What I mean is, you're probably thinking something that's keeping you stuck..... "I don't know how to do this"  "I'm not good enough" "It'll never work" "it's too hard" "it's already been done" etc.   There are a bunch of ways you can do this - my favourite, and daily practice is here

..........Put yourself to work.  Instead of freaking out or stressing out about going backwards or forwards - do the damn work you need to do.  There are likely 5 tasks you could do that would actually be forward motion.  If you can't see anything that will help you get where you need to go, do something that will set the stage for you feeling better - go for a walk or a run, do something you've been putting off - like clean the bathroom (note to self!) or do something kind for someone else.

..........Relax.  When you stop focusing so sharply on the destination and just chill out - then you can move.  Your muscles loosen and energy has a chance of moving through you.  You might do this by getting to bed earlier, catching up with a friend, going to a class - yoga, pole dancing, surf lessons or painting.  What's something that would make you feel better, feel at ease, feel more alive, feel more like yourself?

Moving forward isn't so hard when we stop, breath, and empower ourselves.  

I'd love to hear where you're at - Does this resonate with you?  Does it work for you?
What helps you move forward?
How can I help you get where you want to go?

Horses always help me see more clearly.
What helps you?

See you on the journey
All my love

 

What does "show the fuck up" really mean anyway - and why does it matter?

I had "Show the fuck up" as my screen saver for a couple of days - probably not my smartest move.........I have an 8year old, she picked up my phone.....aggggh I had to grab it out of her hand faster than a fast thing - but of course she was still giggling and looking at me with wide eyes for a while thinking goodness knows what.  Oops

I had it there as a reminder for me - not meant for younger viewers!  (I forgot I have little readers - who, incidentally,  aren't encouraged to use "the F-word"!)

So why did I think it was important enough to use as a screen saver?

Well,  if I'm not conscious about the way I live, I have a tendency to fall into the gaps.  I can find myself spending hours on end, on facebook searching for god-knows-what, cleaning the house, running errands, having coffee and talking about the weather, spending 20minutes trying to find the perfect thing to say on my instagram post, or watching hours of Suits or Greys Anatomy............and ME, the real ME, never shows up.

And that's a problem - because not showing up means, I don't get to live the kind of life I want to live.
It means I lose confidence.
It means I'm not sure about myself
It means the dreams I have - don't get lived, the goals I wrote down - don't happen.
It means I don't really know who I am - I just kind of go with the crowd.

Not showing up means, I just keep doing the things I've always done, and life just shuffles along.

Showing up is no longer an optional thing - it's a MUST.

Showing up, to me means something along the lines of - "If my life was my message - what would it be?" (NOT what would I want it to be - but what would it actually be - at this point in time?!)

Also - it means noticing when I'm saying something (or not saying something) to be polite, accepted, avoid conflict, or just blend in and be liked by the particular group I'm with that day. As someone who's spent a lot of time trying to please others and be liked by them - this is a constant work in progress.  I gotta watch myself.

So, I need to remind myself on the daily, to show the fuck up - because who I am, how I think and what I do matters.
Each decision I make, each moment I live - I'm creating myself and my life.  I get to choose, who I am, and what life feels and looks like. 

I don't need to remind my 8 year old - she's a natural. 

I'd love to hear - what do you do to show up?  If you were going to show up differently, as the woman of your dreams, who would you be?  If your life was your message - what would it be - and what would you want it to be?  What do you do to live on purpose?  How do you get where you want to go?  

Who you are, what you do, M A T T E R S.

Writing this post is how I show up today........what about you?

Love xx

 

 

 

 

How I make stuff happen.

One of the most powerful things I've ever done was sit around on my bed with my eyes closed, day after day.

I remember that time in my life as if it was yesterday.  I lived in a foreign country, I hadn't yet mastered the language - AND - I didn't get on well with the ex-pat women who I knew through my husbands work, (which sucked!) Oh and  I'd just had a baby to top it all off.  I felt utterly alone, desperate and lonely.

BUT 

On the bright side, I'd decided to take Martha Beck's Life Coaching course.  I was reading her books, and I felt totally inspired by the possibility she offered.  So I committed myself to experimenting with her exercises.  One in particular "Treasuring the future - Now" in her book Steering by Starlight, was my favourite.  The idea with this is to sit for 10 minutes, and imagine your heart's desire is already your reality, you see it and experience it in your mind as if it was a memory you're replaying, you FEEL how you would feel, if that thing were to happen - and you live in that dream for 10 minutes - imagining your wish has already come true.  

So I would put my baby to sleep, take a shower, and then sit on my bed.  
What did I imagine?  Millions of dollars?  A new car?  A hot bod?
Nope - none of the above.
I used to imagine myself sitting in the cafe across the road from my apartment, with a group of amazing, inspiring, like-minded, passionate, warm, loving women, laughing and talking and supporting each other.

And wouldn't you know it.  
I never once sat in that cafe with a group of women who resembled the feeling of that vision.

BUT I did notice that within a short space of time - I had a whole new group of friends, who lived all over the world, who felt exactly like the vision. 

AH-MAZING. And at the same time - totally natural - because that's what happens when you live this way.

I've done this with a bunch of different things (houses, cars, travel, career, etc)  - it works like magic.

When you set a goal or get clear about a dream - when you really want something to happen - it helps if you can learn to do this.

So if you're looking around your life and noticing you want something to be different, you want something to change.  I challenge you to experiment, (it can't hurt) close your eyes, put your hand on your heart and imagine what that different thing would feel like, look like, be like.  Who would you be if that was your reality, how would you be different?  Take 10 minutes out of your day, set your timer, and vividly imagine you are living your future now.  Preview it all.

It works best if you have it as part of your daily routine - first thing in the morning, last thing at night - or like me - once the baby's asleep and you've showered!

I'd love to hear how you go - what do you want to make happen?

Much love

 

There's something about her......

We all know her.
That woman in our life who we kind of look up to, think is amazing, are in awe of - just want to hang out with, be bff's with, or imagine meeting one day (I mean - how many times have you seen "meet Oprah" on someone's bucket list? - Especially if you're friends with other Life Coaches!) 

There's just something about that HER.
 
Maybe it's the way she dresses, how she has so many amazing life experiences to share and talk about, the way you feel special when you're with her, or how she makes her health a priority.......Or maybe she's really funny, or beautiful, or she's quirky, or a great dancer, or speaks another language.  Perhaps she has a wide knowledge of all kinds of different subjects, or seems to have an amazing relationship with her kids or partner.......

Whatever it is, she's that woman you kind of wish you were more like.  

Why am I talking about this?

Because........

YOU GET TO CHOOSE WHAT KIND OF WOMAN YOU ARE 

I have a friend, she's bubbly, energetic and just busts through the brick walls of her life and business all. Day. Long.  And I noticed when I was with her - I sounded decidedly whingy.

Her biggest strength was something I was longing to develop in myself.  Now I can't do it her way, she has her own sparkle, but my intuition was tapping me on the shoulder, saying something along the lines of "this is a quality you can develop"  "move in this direction please".

Recognising you can be who you want to be - it's up to you - it's a decision you make every moment of every day.  Well that shifts the balance.  It makes everything possible.

So........Who do you want to be?

Be honest with yourself.  Recognise who that chick is, who do you think is awesome and why?
And then ask yourself  - How can I show up a bit more like them in my everyday life?  or What would so-and-so do now?  

And then take the plunge and do it.

Dare to be different.

Default patterns + autopilot

We all have a default mode, a pattern, a way of being, a personality, that we fall into whenever things are feeling a little tough.  If you're walking down the "enlightenment / alignment" path then you'll start to notice the difference between when YOU show up, and when your old patterns show up - the old you.

You might be doing a great job of living in a way that feels in alignment with you - and then you go into a meeting, or lose a client, meet an old friend, or start having a discussion with a family member - and all of a sudden, the person you don't want to be anymore, shows up and takes over - and then 10 minutes later - or maybe even a day later - you feel like you just woke up, and think; "oh man I was doing such a great job - how did I fall into that way of being again - that's not who I want to be!"

It's ok.  It happens.

Just notice it.  Notice that you just were triggered, and your default auto pilot took over.
Thank her for her support, but let her know you've got this now, and next time you're in this situation she can hold your hand as you walk through a new way of being.

She's just trying to take care of you - and you needed her for as long as you've needed her - but now it's time for you to let her rest and be taken care of herself.

Community minded

Isn't it strange how we come to earth, a complete miracle, and then as we grow, we start to think there's something wrong, we're lacking in some way, not as good as someone else - we begin to take on the stories of our culture....what would happen if we weren't exposed to the stories?

If someone says "life's hard" and you don't have the experience of life being hard - then don't nod and agree with them.  Let them discover through you, that there's another way to experience the world.  You might be the first person they've ever met who doesn't say "yeah it is".  

This is how we change the culture, the limits we have, personally and as a community.
Do your own work and support others in theirs - when they ask for help.

Not perfect

Writing is something I love to do, but I labour over it, try to get it perfect.
The way you do one thing is the way you do everything.
Here I was thinking I'd kicked perfectionism to the curb. 

If you want to be good at something just do it.  You'll suck, you'll make mistakes, people will notice, or not.  But the only way to be great is to be bad - that paves way for AH-mazing! Wanting to impress or not upset others will never feel good.  Whatever you're doing, whatever you're willing to be bad at, do it for yourself - not the audience, whoever they are. 

Is pregnancy or birth making you feel a bit antsy?

"The opening inside yourself must come from you" - Gurmuka

When you're pregnant, you're more sensitive and emotional.  And it's supposed to be that way.

You might notice you're getting stressed out about little things that wouldn't usually bother you - or big things that you thought you'd let go of;  maybe your partner isn't helping out around the house the way you'd like him to - or maybe you're noticing you're feeling anxious about what the family expectations are after you give birth, or even at the birth - or maybe there's someone who you can't stand to be in the same room with.

Things that come up during pregnancy always come up for a reason.  Pregnancy is designed to bring up your stuff, it's designed to make you feel uncomfortable, so you pay attention to it.  

During pregnancy you have a unique opportunity to transform as a woman, it's designed this way so you don't have to carry forward some of stress, fear, tension and insecurities you have.  You get to choose something different to move into motherhood with. 

If you're noticing you're feeling antsy about something - pregnancy or birth related - or anything else in general, first of all notice what it is, and tell yourself the truth about it.  THEN, put your hand on your heart and ask yourself what you most need?  What would feel more loving to you?

Once you know the answer to these questions, you can go ahead and do something differently - so you can have different results, and feel more relaxed and energised throughout your pregnancy.

If you loved this then you might also love......

Local Midwife Gillian Sims and I are working together to bring you a unique workshop called Love Your Birth.  Designed to support you through pregnancy, birth and into motherhood.

This workshop is limited to 10 women (no partners, men or kids - though if you're breastfeeding there are private rooms to express, and a cold fridge for storage - or you can have your husband/friend/mother, bring your little one by when it's time for a feed).

It's on the 15th and 16th of October 2016
Priced to please $120
You can relax and enjoy yummy baking, a refreshing lunch, tea, coffee (or decaf) and cool drinks.
We'll be in a beautiful architecturally designed home in Omokoroa, in the Bay of Plenty.

Any questions?
Want to sign up?

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